i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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