well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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