why didn't you poke me back
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As shirtless as possible
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
