Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
