we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
