she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
