I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
