Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
