wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
