hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
