What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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