Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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