just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
