Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
