Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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