I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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