Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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