my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
