Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
