If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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