whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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