I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's always time for handjobs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
