You're my little dorito
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize