you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
