I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
