its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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