So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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