...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
