I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
