I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
