I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
