Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
