There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
