I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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