i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
