went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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