Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
