the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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