Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Boobs speak an international language.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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