hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This house was built for laser tag.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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