my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
