don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
