in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize