I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
