I think I am morally bankrupt
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
