I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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