i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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