And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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