I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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