I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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