You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
