I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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