Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
