I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
