What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
