I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
