I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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