so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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