At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize