he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
