I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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