I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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