Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
